Here lately, I've been anxious thinking about all the things I want to do when I get back, all the people I want to see, what job/work is in store for me, what ministry I want to work towards, and the list forever goes on. I think that is probably why I don't have a clear picture on whatever/whoever back home because I haven't fully learned to "let go, and let GOD." Also, I wonder if knowing would pull me away from where I am now. I would probably miss out on why God has me here.

Not to mention, home is about 3 months away, which is almost perfect timing to start applying for jobs/schooling and preparing living situations. Family and friends are just as antsy to know the answer to the plaguing question, "What's next?"  How do I rightly go back with just a shrug on my shoulders?

Or is it just that the society we live in has become so used to always needing something prepared instead of maybe just hearing from God. I'm not saying that people are anti-hearing from God, I just mean that maybe, us, as a general population; don't take as much consideration into praying/listening as we should. In fact, some might consider it laziness if I'm not exactly sure where I'm going or what I'm doing when I get home.

It doesn't help that some people are starting to find out their next step. For the rare few that do know, I hope they also know they are very blessed to have that knowledge.

I guess that's where boldness and faith come in. I guess that's where I'll just be stumped until God deems the appropriate time to clue me in. Ha-ha. I guess I'll just have to stop guessing. J

While trying to finish this blog, I picked up someone's ipod and turned it on. This is what started playing:

"Yeah, I trust in you.

I remember times you lead me.

 This time it's bigger now.

And I'm afraid you'll let me down, but how can I be certain?

Will you prove yourself again?

Because I'm about to let go, and live what I believe.

I can't do a thing now but trust you'll catch me.

When I let go.

When I let go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.              

What is this doubt in me, convincing me to fear the unknown.

When all along you've shown, you're plans are better than my own.

And I know I won't make it, if I do this all alone.

Cause I'm about to let go, and live what I believe.

I can't do a thing now, but trust you'll catch me.

When I let go.

Let go, and live what I believe.

Yeah I can't do a thing now, but trust that you will catch me.

Cause I am about to let go and live what I believe. I can't do a thing now, but trust that you will catch me.

When I let go. When I let go. When I let go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."

                Artist: BarlowGirl

                Song: Let Go

                Album: Another Journal Entry

• Granma & Grandad a.k.a Tracy & Walter Menzer
• Mom (Sue Doshier)
• Perry & Aunt Z and Mama(Vivian) Wristen
• Dave & Amy Pape
• Hearts Together Church of Christ
• Guy & Brenda Brown
• Jason Marshall
• Coach Melton
• Shalan & Randy Inmon
• Betty Knight
• Nancy Stone
• Holiday
• Mountain Hideaway
• Any others that have escaped my memory at this moment.

�@

I seriously would not be here if it wasn't for my grandparents. While the first chunk of my financial goal was mostly met due to them that is not the only way they supported me. Granma and Grandad gave me their blessings to leave and they pray for me every day. When I got discouraged they were one of the pillars of strength that I leaned on.

My mom, bless her lil' heart, she put up with a lot.I was a little stressed, to say the least, during the 2-3 weeks that I took to pack. I was in constant worry about finances and such. I cried a lot. Ha-ha. She was so gracious in those times. She hid her sadness due to my departure so that I wouldn't feel guilty or more anxious than I already did about trip. I know that must have been truly hard and it was completely selfless of her.

My church has been way more supportive than I could have ever hoped that they would be. I had people constantly wanting updates on the route, finances, people I'd be with and things I'd be doing. Our church recently moved buildings; so during the process of the church trying to sell our old building, they let me use it for a huge garage sale. People even donated stuff to sell. The church owned two 1940's antique tables, and with one call they were freely handed over to me. "Wow!"

Some of my school teachers, coincidently ones that have impacted me the most growing up, donated for my cause-for God's cause. That really meant a lot to me, because it made me realize I have a special place in their hearts just as they do in mine.

I'd also like to thank Mountain Hideaway. This is just the coolest little hole-in-the wall store, but they literally have (or can order) anything you might need for any trip you might be planning. I came into this store on several occasions and was always greeted with a smile and someone was always willing to help. Not only were they willing to help but these people actually knew the products. It was nice to be able to go into a store for once, and the worker not be just an employee. And the icing on the cake was that Mountain Hideaway discounted my stuff because it was for missionary work. "Isn't that nice?!"

I had a few people that don't even know me very well donated, and God definitely showed me something about what it means to be a true Christian. Sometimes God will call us to take part in something we might not want to, and sometimes He will call us to help people in ways that don't even seem possible. God will break our hearts for the children that He is broken-hearted for.

"Does that mean we have to know them? Does that mean we will always have the right answers or immediately know how to solve their problems?" No, it means that God has chosen US to be the rescuers, and that He wants us to tune into His station maybe a hair more to find out what it is that we can do. It means that WE get a chance to have an even deeper relationship with God. God loves us so much that He is giving us a chance to help someone that He has masterfully created! "What a great honor to be able to take part in something that God has made!"

Again, thanks to everyone. I still am in need of finances, so please continue to keep my squad and me in your prayers.

 

•                      With beans and rice...and rice and beans Ha-ha

•                      Big blocks of cheese, and little blocks

•                      Mild, Bitter, and "mmk, guys it's realllly not that bad (ick face)"

•                      Grated over food- "Muahaha, now they can't get away from the cheese."

•                      Inside of crepes

•                      Inside of Picos (a pico is normally a VERY DELICIOUS pastry type food, folded to look like a triangle and sugar sprinkled on top. Inside is usually a coating of honey. These are very cheap and can be found home-made at any local tienda)

•                      We learned that if we put "hot sauce" on the cheese, it is a lot easier to eat. (They have probably never seen so many hot sauce bottles used in 1 month, Ha-ha)

•                      And the best for last: a block of The Cheese inside of a mashed and fried plantain- This was a HUGE surprise because it was so unexpected, like a sneak attack. (Normally we would save the fried plantains for the last part of the meal because when they are fried, the outside caramelizes a bit and becomes perfectly sweet.)

We could expect to have this delicious side dish at any meal of the day.

After this experience, we felt that a humorous blog just had to be written about it. I decided that a picture of the infamous cheese was a must. In the market, people have huge hunks of it and just cut off however much you want.

The market is by far not the safest place, but it is "ok" if you don't carry a whole lot of things. Amber and I decided to go to the grocery store and then pop into the market to try to get a shot or two of the cheese. During the short time of walking in the market, someone ripped out a chunk of my hair and Amber was grabbed in a few places. I didn't respond to the yanking of my hair. In fact, I think I must have been in shock, because the longer we walked the more upset I became (and let's just say it was a good thing I didn't know about Amber's situation until afterwards. Ha-ha).

We had just decided to give up and were leaving when we came upon a huge block of cheese that we had apparently missed when we came into the market place. I stopped and pulled out my camera, and suddenly it was as if the whole place got quite. I snapped two quick photos and we booked it!

Needless to say, after all that trouble a blog was definitely necessary. For those who are wondering, we actually did enjoy getting a chance to take part in the Nicaraguan culture, even through food.

Team Prisma is officially in Costa Rica near San Jose. We are teamed up with team Lovebound. This is the first month we have been paired with a team and are all living at the same location. It is awesome to see God give us things we say we want in passing but sometimes don't think to ask our Daddy for. What I mean by that is that our team had discussed how cool it would be to be paired with Team Lovebound, but as far as I know, the discussion is as far as it went. Our Daddy is so good and I cant wait to see what He has in store for us when we actually do ask for things.

We ended up getting the Urban ministry, 6:8 Ministry. This was the third choice that our team felt called to by God.

"Why did God not give us what we felt like we were being called to primarily?" Well, what did we have to do in order to get the results we did? We had to constantly seek God, tune into His station and continuely keep our eyes and mind on Him.

"Why did we even go thru all of this if God wasn't going to give us the final answer contact? Were we wrong?" Obviously, God is not easily understood and is far too big to try to understand completely why He does the things he does. When we found out our Costa Rican contact, a proposition was also laid out on the table for the whole squad...a route change. AIM is getting ready to send out far more squads then ever before (Praise GOD!) so AIM is thinking about redirecting routes so that contacts around the world aren't overwhelmed by the huge flow of travelers coming in.

Currently our route is Central America, Asia, Africa, and India. The African countries are one of the parts that is "hairy" at this time. S.Africa, Mozambique, and Swaiziland are on the list, but AIM asked us to take into consideration E.Africa: Tanzinia or Rowanda, Uganda, and Kenya. Even though logistically, it would make more sense to go to E.Africa, that may not be where God wants to send this particular batch of His army.

"So wait, you're saying that maybe, God was preparing us by letting us seek Him out, tune into where He is wanting us to go, and come to an understanding when we don't get what we felt like God was telling us?! God is so wonderfully crafty!"

Alright, what you are about to read is my raw journal entry during freewriting at group worship.

Words that conflict us. We need a change. The world needs a Savior. The enemy is dividing to conquer, but we will not let the plan succeed. Our counter attack: Love. We are in desperate need of love and compassion. Our very souls cry out for the longing God placed in our hearts. God created us to love. God created us to need love, His love. Why then aren't we giving what has been freely given to us?

He came into this life on different soil; and therefore, the dumps in the graveyards are his grocery stores. He knows no love, for his own flesh and blood fail him; left to wander the filth-filled streets barefoot. Does he not deserve a chance? Hope? How about a future? Will he get to feel the warmth that the heart absorbs from a stranger's hug? Will he get a chance to be parasite free?

She came into this life on different soil. She was not found "worthy," thus left as garbage. Will you let her light burn out? Will you let her vanish because her spirit is deteriorating? Eyes of gold. Heart of sand, it slips thru your fingers. Pure and innocent. Forced to lead a life of tragedy and pain. This is what the enemy does to even the smallest of humans. Experiencing things not meant to be understood or even heard of. Time is slipping. Will you stop the timer? Will you help return her life by tipping the hourglass back over?

Every morning our team has group worship, which is led by someone different each day. The goal is not only to communicate with God, but to stretch ourselves by learning each other's ways of worship.

Well I decided to do declarations followed by what I like to call empowerment.

Personal Declaration: God will use me as His hands and feet.

For me, saying the personal declaration was hard because I had been struggling with lies from the enemy. During empowerment, God completely blessed me and the team for stepping out in faith and yelling those things.

(Empowerment, is anything the team felt like doing as far as positive words/energy, speaking life/blessings into people, or practicing prophecy for others)

Many more words than I expected were spoken that morning. I hope I never forget the day I realized that WORDS are soo powerful, and the words that God places on our hearts to tell others can have an awesome impact. I hope I never forget how truly powerful having obedience with what God wants you to do or say is.

For people who don't know, I am one who is embarrassed fairly easily. God is totally working the kinks out in that region of my life as we speak. Ha-ha. Ok so, I'm sitting there trying to listen to what God wants me to say to my team. I look straight across and see Amber, and I can feel that God has a plan. The thoughts, "Don't worry, Amber, don't worry" flash through my head. At this point, I'm thinking, "What? Don't worry? That can't be right. God, I want something nice to say..."

Time goes on and so I try to move on to someone else. Nope, ha-ha, that was obviously not God's plan, and by now those words were like a broken record player, screaming in my head. I couldn't take it anymore! I knew I had to tell her. In my slight embarrassment, I stuttered through the words, and pretty much felt like an idiot the entire time.

God knew (of course) exactly was His precious baby girl needed to hear in that moment. The glass-like water leaking from her icy blue eyes wassign enough. "Did that just happen? Did God just use me?! Wow..." I realized in that moment how true Proverbs 15:4 was. "The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but the deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." (NIV)